The Pain of living a Lie
by missanimefan
Summary: Summary: ... Warnings: YAOI, smut, angst, pain, non-conish, PWP, abuse, other stuff... /Currently one-shot, read bold note at end of fic. Thank you. AizenXGin, hint GinXIzura, ?XGin
1. Searing

**Title: The Pain of living a Lie**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: YAOI, smut, angst, pain, non-conish, PWP, abuse, other stuff...**

**Characters/Pairings: AizenXGin, Kira**

**Summary: ...**

**Authors Note: Blame the mood...=P**

**Disclaimer: I dont own bleach, boowho**

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Gin sat alone.

After what had happened to him... he doubted he would ever be happy again.

He decided he would be forced to put on a fake smile. Live a lie. Be alone.

And why?

All because his dear captain rather toy with him the love him. Use and abuse him for his own amusement. How he detested it.

The images of the night before plagued him endlessly. How could he have allowed himself to be hurt?

**xxxxxx - Flash Back - xxxxxxx**

_"Stop!"_

_"Relax Ichimaru."_

_Gin struggled as his captain pulled him up and the boy yanked at the arms holding him up,"LET GO!"_

_Suddenly he was on the other side of the room gasping and twitching as the elder walked towards him and leaned to touch the younger who flinched._

_"Do you fear me?"_

_Gin remained silent as he was forced on his stomach. He began thrashing again as a naked body hovered over his undressed form._

_"STOP!!"_

_The elder laughed and pushed in slowly and deliberately pained him. Gin clawed at the floor screaming for help from someone, anyone._

_"Don't cry angel."_

_Gin choked out a sob,"Get out of me! You don' belong there,"he cried squirming away desperately._

_"Be quiet Gin,"came a hissed reply._

_Gin thrashed and tried pulling away as the other brutally thrusted,"Yer hurtin' me!! Stop it!!"_

_Gin felt blood trickle down from the rough abuse and sobbed as his captain came inside him and pulled out, the seed burning his insides, and leaving him in a messy pile of blood sweat and cum._

**xxxxxx - End Flash Back - xxxxxxx**

Gin shuddered at the memory, it had hurt him so much and it still did. Aizen was gentle now but if he was mad that changed.

Aizen opened the door and walked up to Gin and clapped,"ICHIMARU!!"

The silver haired man flinched, startled out of his zoned out mind, and moved away quickly,"Y-yes Aizen-sama?"

"You ignored my knocking. Lay back and take off that sheet."

"No! I mean-I didn' I swear Aizen-sama! I didn' do i' on purpose, I promise,"he bowed forward hoping the elder would let him off the hook.

Apparently not since he was pushed back and his legs tied together,"Excuses are not tolerable."

Gin felt his legs spread as much as the binding allowed letting out a squeak aided by struggle.

"Lemme go! Lemme go! Lemme go!!! Let go Aizen-sama! Please don' hurt me again,"he begged as the erection began to enter him. His screams strengthing before dying as he forced his legs together against Aizens chest and tried to push him away.

The man seemed amused and slapped the legs making them retract as a sting flared through them,"Don't fight."

"I hate you!"

This caused the other to halt and lean over to whisper in his ear,"Why Ichimaru? Why do you hate me?"

Gin shrieked as the pain flared throughout his every nerve,"Yer toyin' with me! Hurtin' me! Abusin' me every way!"

"Oh,"he arched a brow,"And why should I treat you any differently Ichimaru?"

Gin sobbed as the stinging inside him grew and burned,"Stop! Stop! Stoooooooop!!!! Stop it!!!"

Aizen leaned over his ear,"I won't stop. Not now, not ever."

Gin arched up, clawing the bare chest above him, salty sweat coating his skin. He felt Aizen stroking him roughly, preventing any pleasure and forcing him to cum. Aizen came after, the same burning from his first domination flaring through his memory and increasing the used feeling he felt.

Aizen pulled out and cleaned himself,"You lie to yourself thinking love exist. It is a illisuion, a lie. Don't kid yourself."

Gin laid on his bed as his door shut. He groaned out in pain and anger, unable to move his body and clean himself. He was angered and confused, all he knew was the force Aizen used to force him into submission. He turned, wincing at the pain and fell asleep, deciding not to bother cleaning the sin of his master.

As much as the pyshical pain hurt, the pain of living in a world of lies hurt him more.

He wanted love.

Not this lie his mission forced on him.

**xxxxxxxxxxx In Soul Society xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Kira sulked at his desk,"Why did he betray me?"

Izura's face grew to look more tired than normal. The stress overwhelmed him entirely and he couldn't be at peace until he found his captain and got an answer. He trained just for that.

To find out why.

Answers.

Nothing else, not to live.

Just to find out why the man he loyally followed and grown to love betrayed him, his friend Matsumoto, and all he had and stood for to follow a man Kira could sense would only abuse the silver fox who deserved better.

Love.

Heartbreak.

Questions.

Answers.

Yin.

Yang.

All completed each other...Like Gin completed him.

* * *

**SO! This is a one-sot but...What to do! Should I continue this? It will either turn into GinXIzura or AizenXGin. But you can't choose which it will be, that's my choice. You can decide whether it should continue though. If I get 5 reviews requesting continuation I will continue it. This offer wont expire so review at ANY time=P **

**Also just review to tell your opinion at least please. Reviews make my day =)**


	2. Suffer

**Title: Suffer**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: YAOI, smut, angst, pain, non-conish, abuse, other stuff...**

**Characters/Pairings: AizenXGin**

**Summary: ...**

**Authors Note: Hm...interesting idea has just proved that this will be a GinX....well thats going to be a surprise=P **

**Disclaimer: I dont own bleach.**

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* * *

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Gin woke up and looked about dazed.

Another night.

More pain.

Abuse.

It hurt so much.

He groaned at the pain flaring through his back.

**XXXXXXXXXX Flashback XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

_"Aizen-sama...nooooooo."_

_Aizen rolled Gin over and pinned him to the floor,"Hm? Defying a direct command are we?"_

_Gin squirmed,"Ya already took me once,"he whined,"Please don't."_

_"Hm...once wasn't enough today."_

_Gin tried to fight but his body still ached,"I haven' recovered,"he whimpered._

_Aizen slipped a finger inside causing the younger man to yelp,"Hm, your already tight again, as if you'v never been taken,"he kissed the foxes neck._

_"Don' lie ta me. I'll never be the same."_

_Aizen laughed, knowing this was true,"Oh but what fun is it if your the same?"_

_Gin growled but immediately turned to a scream as the large appendage thrusted in cruelly, the pain he grown to expect but never hurt less._

**XXXXXXXXXX End Flashback XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Gin shivered and got up, stumbling slightly to keep his balance.

_'Tha' man... He'll alway hurt me... until the day-'_

"Ichimaru."

Gin froze in front of the bathroom door and turned to the doorway, sighing slightly relieved.

"I's just ya Tosen,"he let out a relieved breath.

"Ichimaru. Once this ends you must tell them."

Gin laughed,"Ha! Like hell! They dun care. No one cares. They'd tell me suck i' up,"Gin was frowning and entered the bathroom,"Go... Yer needed elsewhere."

Tosen sensed Gin wanted to be left alone so nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

Gin closed and locked the bathroom door, taking off the Espada outfit that Aizen apparently redressed him in after the incident.

Gin stepped in the shower and turned on the cold water, staring up as the patter of water drops hit skin and ground.

No escaping this nightmare.

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Kuchiki Manor XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Byakuya walked into the doors, heading directly to the planned place...

The people bowed as he motioned their dismissal and entered his study, taking a seat in his chair.

"Hey there little Byakuya!"

"Keep it down. Now the reason your here-"

"Is about the war and whether Ichigos participating, right?"

"Exactally."

"He is. He's training and, as you already know, controlling his hollow."

"I see."

Yoruichi got up and hopped out the window,"Well, don't worry about Kurosaki. He's a big boy,"she winked before vanishing quicker than she stayed.

Byakuya sighed,"As long as this war goes well."

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Hueco Mundo XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Gin dried off and walked out to the room, he had forgot his clothes and had to go to the closet.

"Gin."

Gins body froze. That voice. That pain inflicting voice with its fake warmness and lies.

"Aizen-sama,"Gin stated dryly,"Do ya need somethin'?"

Aizen nodded and stood, walking to Gin and wrapping a arm around the foxes bare waist,"Hm, you smell of berries."

"..."

"Now now. You don't have to be so silent,"he chuckled darkly, pushing Gin against the wall,"I want to hear you scream."

Gin didn't answer. He knew what would happen. It was painfully obvious what Aizen wanted from him.

"No. I'm not yer toy,"he pulled away and went to the closet to dress.

"Your defying me again?"

Gin halted a moment before taking a breath,"Yes. I'm not yer toy and won' be treated like one."

In a flash he was sprawled on the floor with the angered man on top of him,"You really should learn obedience."

Gin stuggled as his arms were pinned,"STOP! Get off of me,"he tried kicking but a forceful slap caused his body to go rigid.

"Gin. Gin. Gin,"he sighed and he undressed,"When will you learn?"

Gin screamed.

**xxxxxxxxxx Captains Meeting Hall Three Days Later xxxxxxxxxxxx**

Yamamoto looked at his present captain. Byakuya, Shunsui, Hitsugaya, and Ukitake.

"Any word from them?"

"No,"Yamamoto sighed and met the captains gaze.

Byakuya nodded and closed his eyes as Yamamoto continued.

"We have to trust they will do well. That was there mission."

"CAPTAIN!"

They turned to the door as Rangiku ran in seeming panicked.

"Yes Matsumoto?"

"Captain. Its Ichimaru and Tousen."

"Thank you Rangiku."

Rangiku bowed and left as quickly.

The monitor turned on a sure enough there was Gins shadow along with Tousen.

"Yamamoto,"Tousen addressed.

"Kaname."

"I regret to inform you Ichimaru cannot continue to hold out,"Tousens voice seemed to be hinting at a deeper issue.

"What has happened to him?"

"Aizen-sama has abused him by-"

"Tousen,"Gin cut him off sharply and walked into view, that smile plastered as he spoke,"There's no need ta concern 'em with those matters."

"Gin,"Byakuya watched the fox direct his attention to him,"What happened,"he demanded.

Gins expression faltered and a flash of concern crossed his face. He obviously wasn't going to say aloud.

"Ichimaru has been sexuall-"

"TOUSEN,"Gin warned, a flare of annoyance in his tone,"Silence yer self."

"Continue Kaname,"Yamamoto commanded.

Tousen nodded,"Aizen has been abusing Ichimaru sexually almost every night."

Ukitake now spoke with worry,"Gin? Is that true?"

Gin scoffed,"Is what true?"

"Is what Tousen say true,"Shunsui supplied.

"How would I know? I wake up, feel pain, pass out, an repeat tha' cycle."

"Sorry but Aizen-sama is returning,"Tousen bowed and cut off the transmission.

Byakuya looked to Hitsugaya who seemed to think,"Opinion?"

Hitsugaya glanced over,"We need to move the war along before Ichimaru gives in."

"Yes. He doesn't need to suffer longer than he has to,"Ukitake approved.

Yamamoto tapped his cane,"Then inform the others the war begins soon.

* * *

**This wasn't real long, I know. But I had to get SOMETHING out while I was here. I got sidetracked from what sidetracked me from this place. Ironically enough there has been talk of war on the site I'd mentioned before. The Gotei 13 where Im ex officer at is being hateful to Seiretei Society. So much so are leader resigned and we are in the midst of a new leader vote=( So far I'm winning it and the vote should end today I believe. Good thing I been leader at unions and have experience lol, as a leader and officer. But I plan to try and work on this more.**

**This may not be a REALLY long chapter thing though lol.**

**Please Review=)**


	3. Agony?

**Title: Agony?**

**Rating: M**

**Warnings: YAOI, smut, angst, pain, rape, abuse, other stuff...**

**Characters/Pairings: AizenXGin**

**Summary: ...**

**Authors Note: WELL! Quite a few(kinda) asked I continue this sooooo here ya go!**

**Disclaimer: I dont own bleach. Nor do I want to...**

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* * *

**Gin rubbed his neck,"Tousen... Yer serious?"

The man nodded,"Yes. The war starts tomorrow. I was just informed."

Gin eyed him for a moment,"Why speed it up?" Tousen didn't answer and Gin figured he already knew anyway so sighed, standing and shaking his head.

"Aizen will be coming fer meh. Ya might wanna leave."

Tousen seemed to hesitate but Gin shooed him. He gave in and left, allowing Gin time to think before his worst nightmare arrived. He fell back on the bed, throwing an arm over his eyes. He wondered why he did this. Why he didn't just leave. Then he remembered he had to protect his best friend, Rangiku, and the man he truly desired. A grimace replaced his fake smile as his door opened, Aizens reiatsu entering and locking the door. A thought crossed his mind,'_That guy probably won' want me anyway. Especially since this is what happens ta me..._'

"Gin."

"..."

"You know what to do."

Gin glanced past his arm with a look of disgust, not only for the man before him, but for himself for letting this happen. He stood and glared at the brunette with annoyance before undressing swiftly. He reminded himself of what Tousen had said. If all went well, this was the LAST time Aizen would force him to do this.

Gin tossed aside the clothing, standing bare to his nightmare with a look of disgust gracing his features. Aizen simply smirked and appeared behind him.

"Upset?"

"Get i' over with,"the fox growled with bitterness.

"And if I don't,"Aizen smirked, throwing Gin into a wall,"What will you do?"

Gin glared and bit his tongue. This might be the last, but he wasn't going to fight and needlessly hurt himself.

"Such a lovely glare,"Aizen pressed him to the wall,"You wouldn't happen to have such a defying look because of the war starting tomorrow. Would you?"

Gins eyes narrowed.

"So you do know,"Aizen mused,"Well don't worry. Just in case, I'll make sure you never forget tonight,"he whispered in Gins ear.

Gin trembled as he felt a pressure force him still and shifting of clothes. He was facing the wall, Aizen never wanted to look at him as he hurt the fox. Gin clenched his teeth as the all to familiar fingers went in him. He wanted to scream. They were dry this time, and he snapped when it dawned on him Aizen meant he would make it the worst ever this time.

"N-no,"Gin mumbled, closing his eyes as the fingers only stretched enough to get in and removed themselves. The large organ that hurt him so many times positioned to enter him dry.

"NO!" Gin struggled against the body. There was no way he would just let this happen, not like this. That man hurt him enough! He had no right to make things worse! A chuckle made him furious and he tried kicking, the other used his hands to force the smaller still.

"Afraid Gin?"

"Yer a fuckin' bastard. Get away from meh!" He let out a yelp, eyes wide as a knife went through his hands to pin him,"WHAT THE HELL!?" The crimson liquid steamed a steady line down his arms and the wall, making him even more furious now.

"Keep fighting and I'll do the same to your feet and stomach,"came a sickly voice, obviously loving his pain.

"Sick bastard,"Gin grumbled, but stopped fighting. He rather not risk dying...at least not like this...

Aizen smirked and immediately thrust himself deep within Gin. Gin screamed out, trying to arch away, but the wall preventing it. He clenched his eyes shut, small drops slipping down. He hated when the sicko would make him feel like being torn in half. He gasped and chocked on his breath as the pain took over, the other pounding him without mercy. He was grateful as the loss of blood made him dizzy enough to pass out. He just hoped he didn't die...

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXNext DayXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Tousen sat by Gin, who lay unconscious in bed. He had waited until Aizen left to sneak in and find Gin passed out cold, still nailed to the wall with blood dripping down the wall from his hands and ass. Tousen took it upon himself to bandage the hands and clean up the wounded fox and put him in bed. He remained there in case Aizen decided to come back for the kill.

"Uuuugh,"a groan slipped as the fox came to, blinking in confusion,"Tousen?"

"Yes. You were almost dead so I cleaned you up. Are you alright?"

Gin looked at the ceiling,"Yeah. If they don't win I'm just gonna kill myself... No way Imma stay with that sick bastard..."

Tousen nodded,"Understandable. But we will win. Don't worry."

Gin nodded, getting up and dressing before following Tousen to the exit. Waiting there was Aizen and his army. Aizen smirked and motioned all of them as they headed into battle. Gin and Tousen followed.

When they got there, it was fairly rough. Tousen was killed by Aizen the second they revealed themselves as double agents. Gin screamed at Aizen for killing the man, after all, Tousen helped him survive Hueco Mundo. Aizen laughed and announced to everyone he only let Gin live since he was fun to rape. Gin paled at that, having wanted the secret to stay quiet. But Aizen knew Gin loved one of the ones fighting, and he was going to make it hard for Gin. Even as he was finally slain by the very blade of that man Gin loved. Aizen made sure to tell said man that Gin was never going to be the same, he would never let anyone near, that he made sure to destroy all hope and leave nightmares with the fox forever. The man didn't show any care, even though his heart was furious, he slashed Aizen with the final blow that killed the worst enemy.

Gin sat in his old room, blankly staring at the wall. Aizen had destroyed his life. There was no reason to keep living. He glanced at the door and got up, walking out into the moonlight. As he walked toward the one man he had always wanted, he kept remembering the terrible nights he endured. The memory began feeling real and his course detoured. Running to the edge of the tall building and looking down.

A drop that would kill anyone.

He took a breath and hopped over, wanting to end it all. To be free. And to escape the rejection of the one he loved.

Just as he was jumped over, he opened his eyes, looking up and turning wide eyed.

"What are you doing?"

Gin almost cried. There he was... the one he loved had stopped him...

"Byakuya..."

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**There ya have it! I decided to tell you who it was... I was going to make you keep wondering... buuuut I figured I'd be nice... So. Right now, there is 11 reviews on this(I wish there were more...) SO!**

**If you people want another chapter, I require a review. I want it to be between 20 and 30. The more there are, the higher chance I'll be motivated to get a new chapter up as soon as I can :P**

**I'm on a suspension from gamespot so I had time... Can you believe they modded me for talking about fanfics? ...I did mention incest and rape... but only that I read them... Whatever.**

**Review please!**


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